Says, the bird:

When it all was behind me,
When it all was yet to come,
When it all came back to me
When I had it all yet none.
I was scared to be free...
I was scared to fly...
I was secretly hoping,
The pond would never dry.
My dreams were short,
My eyes wide shut...
I could hear the pulse go,
In that mad mad rush.
I wanted to walk ahead,
I wanted to look back...
I wanted the skin to shed,
Leave me and let me be okay!

The fire had now expanded, to the world it was not visible.
She hid it well, within the tresses, they mingled slowly.
At-least she thought so, she didn't know yet, if someone saw.
Saw the flames slowly creep in and not exit from the clouds.
She was not sure, which way to look, where to hide them.
No direction so far had held her close, taken care to look.
The proximity was a fear she treasured, her little secret.
She had now known for long the songs were now dying.
She held on to them, they were dry twigs she did know.
Her hands slowly burned, she had foreseen the ash.
The flame brought the songs to ash, songs already dead.
Tears could save not much, for the tresses were longer,
The drops slowly dried, the salt which had remained,
Clung on to her consciousness, stuck to her for life.
What she could do nothing about was now a part of her,
Not her's to take, not her decision to make, not her's
Yet her soul was at stake; for it was her belief,
In life which was dead on the outside yet alive within.
She was blamed for the flame which was not her's to hide.
She was blamed for the water not being enough to ignite.
The dreams were rampant, epidemic love soon struck,
Blinded by fate and residue salt she decided to flee.
Ran as the girl; through the meadow, a wind flew.
Caught in the sudden wind the long tresses unfolded
Out emerged the lion enveloped in the flames,
Free to turn to ash what had been existing since.

The bird in the box

It was injured.
He picked It up,
And slowly lowered It into a box.
The box was covered with a cloth,
The box had holes in it.

The bird, did not move,
It was injured.
He took care of It with all his heart.
The box was slowly shrinking.
The care bore fruit.

The bird started to peep out,
The blue eyes wide in the bright light.
It was surprised, for It was alive.
He had taken great care.
The bird tried to hop out.

The box had become smaller,
The holes had shrunk.

The bird walked out of the box.
The bird refused to go back in.
It longingly looked at the sky.

When It was last there,
The predator had attacked.
The battle was in mid air.
The claws slowly sunk in.
They left bruises very deep.

The truth shall set you free,
They said to the bird.
The bird tried...
The care was shackled around It.
The deep affection prevailed.

The truth dug It's grave deeper,
They refused to hear out.
Believing was not a question.
They ignored It outright.
For them It was no more a bird.

He tried to set It free,
Love has no bounds.
Not knowing that it was love,

That had clipped those pretty wings.
That had not set It free.

The predator had attacked once.
The eagle had tasted blood,
And the bird had tasted pain.
Pain not close to It's reality,
Pain which knew no bounds.

The bird was younger than many,
Pain was not as alien as pleasure
Pain was not as known as gain.
The pain had not known boundaries,
The pain had not left memories.

The pain slowly became a solace,
The pain slowly ceased to live.
It would hop into the box and strain.
The box was It's object of reverence.
The box was It's object of pain.

He was willing to overlook,
The bird squirming in pain.
Slowly he forgot,
About all the care he had laid,
In the box covered with cloth.

He watched from a distance,
Look he surely would,
He simply forgot to see,
It was not truth,
But pain which set It free.

He revolted at the mutiny,
For the bird had not flown,
Months had gone by,
Before It had really shown,
The courage and the will to fly.

He was taken aback by it all,
The love now turned sour,
Regret of even letting It walk,
Crept in with so much more,
Was it all in his mind, It thought.

The bird tried not to fly far,
Kept a measuring string attached.
It peeped back in the window,
And hid in the box such,
It hid from the world and Itself.

Forgetting all the pain It felt,
It reveled in pleasure now.
Not knowing the bounds then and now.
It flew much beyond,
What the string could count.

He gave up on It,
He took to caring again,
This time for a kitten instead.
He gave up on It forever,
Yet did not set It free.

The truth had failed It,
Now so had he.
The love had taken to remorse,
The knowledge to stealth,
And happiness to hiding.

Only pain had been a friend,
A companion when It was sad,
Standing in timed both good and bad.
To which It took again.
To which he kept looking back.

The only constant was change,
The change of suffering,
From one kind to next.
For now it was not change,
But suffering the constant.

For the last time the bird slipped in,
That box of love, fame and shame.
It went under the cloth,
The holes had long gone,
The eyes closing, never to open again.

THE WALL

The wall had fallen

Chunks fell around me

I stood almost rooted

Coveted by the debris.

Not caring about embers

Them crashing, I could see

I could not feel the heat

Enveloped by the blaze.

I stood writing the letters

The ice around melting

I stopped trying to keep-up

As the forces sucked me in.

I slowly then let go the plank,

My wishes could now be true.

The waters, 

were now so dark and deep,

Shrouding promises,

I did not want to keep.

Everything around me changed,

was much darker than before.

My ears pounding in pain,

Yet I knew I could simply go.

My vision was distorted large,

As a coloured cloud passed

I looked back through it whole

The slowly dimming last glow.

I suddenly flapped hard

Aiming for the highest sky

My arms by now were heavy

My heads seemed to sway.

My heart had been at rest

My body was now too.

I wish,

you had been my friend.

I did,
send you a postcard once.

I waited for you to write,

Maybe today we were to meet

To balance out differences

And to stop the bleed.

As we slowly become one,

As I give up all the pain,

My wounds no more count

As now it is always rain.

I remember telling him once

Even if every bit went wrong

Rain could simply fix it all

Just, let the magic drops fall.

Now, I was, one with the rain,

Later, I would be the cloud.

I was now,

drenching the grass blade,

I was now,

the treason, and the shade.

I was now one with the soil

The soil I had once been

I was now the sweet smell,
As always hence I was seen.

Glue

It did not need picking
It did not need bills
It did not need fixing
For it never had frills.
It did not need mending
It did not need force
It did not need bending
For it never was coarse.

The hearth was warm
The message was sent
The saviour was strong
The heart was lent
The letter was returned
The idea was strewn.
The pieces too tiny,
Spread across the room.
The eyes were pleading
The lips were sealed
The actions were calling
The bones didn't pay heed.
There was more to find
There was more to read
Among the blanket folds
Dividing the cold and heat.

The received was coded
The pen was deceived
The ink slowly eroded
It had to save the read.

The receiver was lost,
The ears were deceived
The words slowly eroded
They had to save the weed.

I wish it were easier,
To view beyond.
I wish it were better,
To while along.
I wish it were nicer,
To pretend wrong.

For,
I know the question,
To break the peace.
I knew the question,
But the bones,
did not pay heed.

 

Run

Run, run along like a steed,

Run, run along with speed.

Run, for that is what is taught

Run, for all that is not draught.

Run, intoxicated by wealth,

Run, away with stealth

Run, never to look behind

Run, for you will surely find.

Run, I must looking ahead

Not knowing the goal set.

I look through blinders

I look over the fence

I have read the letters

Spelled across my length.

Run, I did through it all,

Not seeking reprieve,

I missed the road blue,

I missed the grass tall.

I ran past the hedgehog

And all things yellow too.

Run, now I must not,

Not that I must just stop

This time I choose to walk,

To look and to intently gaze

To love and happily dwell

On new roads and two-ways.

The way we were

The chant plays by itself
The 6 minutes felt like eternity
I was lost in the sound
I could hear my Grandma,
humming she walked around
I could feel the transition
I accepted what I was not
I could not label my now
I was scared to verse it
I knew change had no end
The chant didn't calm me
Fear took its place instead.
I was walking around too
I did not hum any more
The reflection felt distorted
my shadow didn't stand tall
Each with a mind of its own
My hair blew in the air,
The water wasn't calm now,
My feelings it reflected
My expression it failed to
I was not what i had been
I was not what i was to be
I was what I was now,
I simply was just me,
I at that moment was, me.

He could see right through
He could not see the wall
He saw beyond the layers
That now were not so tall.
The glass had long melted.
The water level did grow
The damn had long broken
But now it began to flow.
It now flows southward
It then slowly flows west
It refused to flow north
Where it could slyly rest.
It took the living along
The dead were in it too
The settled dust it took
But left behind some dues
The likes could not be paid
No justice could be met
The debts could not to be laid
On the wall's imminent bed.

The circle had to come to full,
The snake had to bite its tail,
The poison had to spread within,
The beauty of justice did not fail.
I waded my way around it
I weighed my pros and cons
I locked my sorrows in there
I overlooked the imminent dawn.
The sun had to rise once again
The moon had to come to full,
The wheel had to move within
The motion of life gave the pull.
I dropped my hope deep in it
I poured my soul with it too
I payed my respect as always
I played along with justice, true.
The clouds looked over me
The bees hummer around
The birds called me names
But I knew that sweet song.
The whisper of the trees
Refused to let me pass
The moist earth and the leaves
Held my heart-strings fast.
The shadow in the dark
Called out to my soul,
I whispered to the wind,
I poured it into life's bowl.
I poured it into the circle,
I poured it into the well,
The water rose till the brim
I could now within reach.
I slowly quenched my thirst
I quickly looked within,
I splashed some around me
And had some more to drink.
I wished well as I got up,
I slowly slipped away,
I saw the water receding,
Leaving my soul still at bay.

This bridge was to lead to the other bank. Every time it promises me the shore. The planks seem to slowly manifest. So far they have always disappeared midway. A plunge in the water always wakes me up. This time it feels I will get through. This time I hope I will get through. The water had risen long ago, the planks kept disappearing, something kept them afloat. I hold on to that hope...

The Letter...

The Letter
I wrote,
to her I love...
to him I wanted to love...
to her who used to be mine
to him who could never be mine
to her I lived beside
to him I never caught sight.

The Letter 
I hid,
from her who trusted me
from him who didn't know me
from her who never asked
from him who didn't show
from her who tried
from him who forgot

The Letter 
I wrote...
to her all my heart
to him all my thoughts
to her all my questions
to him all my agony
to her all my memories
to him all my dreams.

The Letter
I tore...
for her comforting denial
for him and his unseen life
for her daily tryst
for him and his absence
for her love and her smile
for him and his void.

Love at 21

Love doesn't happen just that once...
Neither does it happen twice..!

Love has forever been the mystery
Love has always been the price.
To me it happened then and again...
To me it happened now...
To me the love remained...
To me it was never lost, to be found.

For,
Love doesn't happen just that once,
Neither does it happen twice..!

Of the twenty odd years I have lived
Peeped in and out it might;
Love has not much changed since...
Just that: love now has a price...
On a brighter note, let's just say...
I am now better placed
To finally pay it more than thrice..!!

For, Love as I said,
Doesn't happen just that one...
Neither does it happen twice..!!

The Black Sheep

It 'baa'ed in the courtyard,
No one so much as cared.

It 'baa'ed near the well,
Not even a look was spared.

It 'baa'ed on the doorstep,
No one turned around.

It 'baa'ed around the bush,
Again that annoying sound..!

It 'baa'ed once and more
It 'baa'ed till It was heard
It 'baa'ed near the little girl
It 'baa'ed as It was pet
It 'baa'ed as the wolf approached
It 'baa'ed as she fled
It 'baa'ed for It was pegged
It 'baa'ed as the blood was shed
It 'baa'ed till It could 'baa' no more
It 'baa'ed till It's reason was met.

It 'baa'ed for It was heard
It 'baa'ed, though no one cared
It 'baa'ed for the sacrifice
It 'baa'ed for the dream
It 'baa'ed for It never felt
the 'baa' was different from the white.

It 'baa'ed till the very end...
It 'baa'ed for that one day,
It 'baa'ed for the 'baa' that would
reach where it was meant.

And...
It 'baa'ed till the bloody horns
had cracked the very last length...!

this belief mine

just perfect high
just perfect low
just made for me
this belief mine.

naturally mingle
the smile revealing
goes on forever
the strong delight.

know me how
take me for I
laugh with me
be by when I cry.

just perfect wide
just perfect narrow
just made for me
this belief mine.

does not tell
open to all
love for folks
to them be tall.

dear dear mine
dear me too
for it just is
it naturally grew.

just perfect fast
just perfect slow
just made for me
this belief mine.

no reasons to give
no lies to tell
just happy to be
by the bright swell.

there is warmth
there is cream
there is love
in every single bean.

just perfect strong
just perfect mild
just made for me
this belief mine.

in perspective; once more

I want you back
and I want you now.
For you were my cloak
and you were my shroud.

I know,
I will have the likes of you...
but, what if it isn't you?
What if it was a mistake?
Having to let you go.
I know it was a choice,
a choice I then made...

I want you back
and I want you now.
For you were me
and I was known to be you.

I know,
you'll soon grow upon me...
but, what if it is too long?
What if it seems forgotten?
The feeling of being safe.
Protected and guarded,
being invisible you may say...

I want you back
and I want you now.
For it all seems to be
in perspective; once more.

 

the girl in the diary

if i was the girl in the diary...
i'd be mystical,
my poise justified...
my fate decided,
at the hands of the wielder of the pen
at the mercy of her destiny...
i would glide.

if i were the girl in the diary...
i would be as concrete as a dream...
as powerful as a wish...
as potent as the river flowing afresh...
i would be
as happy as a dove...
as sad as a fish...
as loved as a pet...
i would be...
as gallant as the grandfather's gun...
as timid as the 'newly wed' child bride...
as homeless as the donkey they bred...
as sheltered as the tree under the sky...!
i would be living in the hills...
diving into the sea...
breeding fleas...
i would be...
as happy as could be...!!!

i could be all but me...

if i were the girl in the diary...
i could be rolling pancakes...
i could be inking letter cases..
i could be riding a pony...
i could be snipping petals...!
i could be writing a letter...
i could be reading a book...
i could be stroking a pipe...
i could also be locked
only to survive...!!

for,
if i were the girl in the diary
this is what i could be...
for i could be sold into copies,
scratches on the manuscript
ripping my soul...
stealing me of my glory...
stealing me of my price...

for if it were money i were after...
the girl in the diary would be...
as hard as the lump in the chest...
as lonely as a tree in a groove...
as fragile as a single bone...
as brave as a mouse within...
as hidden as the bright yellow sun...!!

for,even then...
the girl in the diary would be me...!!





 

Beyond the Nest..!!

squirming in the nest...
i learnt naught to fly...
it was the push...
that threw me disarray..
it was the push...
that taught me more...
it was the push...
i learnt to love...
it was the push...
i knew more about...
it is the push...
i see meaning in...
it is the push...
attracting me...
it is the push...
i respect...
it is the push...
i love...
for,
it is the push...
that meant i was loved...
it is the push...
that taught me some more...
it is the push...
i am grateful for...
it is the push...
that made me so...!!

No longer in perspective...

Long: because I don't have to care for them
Long: because I am taught to think that is the only way
Long: because you do what people think looks good
Long: because there has never been another way
None: because you have to get rid of your birth
Some: because it has to be long again
More: because... well its a process..!!!
Some more: because we are still not quite there yet.
Long: because it was like that before
Long: because "Oh your so pretty"
Long: because they were a pride
Longer: because...it just kept going that way
Longer-4: because I have to take care of it
Long-4: because, I sit all alone with it
Midway: because I want to be different
Midway: because I think they look at it
Midway: because I cant imagine taking care of it
Long: because I didn't have time to think
Long: because I was lazy and scared
Longer: because not too much should change at one go
Longer: because the rest was tagging along
Longer-4: because I needed space
Midway-2: because I wanted to forget the past
Midway: because well it kept going that way
Midway-2: lest it gets long
Midway: because I was getting too cozy
Midway-4: because I was brought back to reality
Midway: because I was still trying to shake it away
Midway+2: because I was washing my worries away
Midway+4: because I was at peace
Long: because, now I could take care of it
Longer: because, this time I cared
Longer+4: because, this time I loved
Longer+6: because, it was a shield
Longer+8: because, it was a part of me
Longer-16: because it was meant to be that way
Shorter than short: because I had to know how it felt
Short: because, its a process again
Short+0.2: because, I love it
Short+0.4: because, I am rebelling
Short+0.6: because, I don't want to explain
Short+0.8: because, everyday it feels newer
Short+1: because, it still feels good
Short+2: because, I know every morning it feels just right


maybe one day....
Long: because its a choice
Longer: because it feels right too
Longer than long: because I will never ever regret not trying every possible way...!!!

have the time...?

is there a way to shake this feeling...
the fog refuses to settle..
my feelings are a crumpled ball...
I crushed the paper myself...!!
I wish there was someone...
who would pick the pieces up...
they could never be a whole...
but they would make for a good puzzle..!
who would have the time...?
who would help put them together...
they would never be the same..!
they can't be mended...
but I am sure they can be taped...
neatly at the backside...
and hung on that wall...
well framed...
to boast of in the many many years to come..!
who would have the time...?
and who would dare spare that time...?

and then there were none.
that's how all of it began...
i thought i was safe here...
i thought here i was me...
i thought i was loved here...
and i thought
       all of this will never end.
i look back
       to where they say it began
not knowing where i stood..
i was still thinking,
of he who chose never to come...
of he who was always by my side...
and also
of he who breathed down my neck.
how i wished
a couple were not the same.
not changing but different...
for then it is not destiny...
but the present i could frame.