Basking in The Sun 2

     *the customary meaning in form

Basking in the Sun

A piece, which took its time

Elastic, I pulled the ends apart
I spread it very very thin.
It changed its form for me.
Form, I disliked it deeply
I kept pulling the ends apart,
I even pulled at the edge.
Edge, It gave way for me,
I kept pushing and pulling.
I removed bits and pieces.
Pieces, of my life sprinkled
I had to keep picking them
I had to count each one.
One, the number of days
I spend before each sound
Tweaking with a thought.
Thought, I should let it be
Not hover over it like a wasp
I should really set it free.
Free, my spirit feels true
Intact with the past, present
The future stands in fear.
Fear, of love and being loved
A chance stood again
But I still pulled at love.
Love, the elastic I had kept
With me for so very long.
Elastic, that had changed form.

Duality

"Let's get up and go
Let's do something
Put a phone to charge
Read maybe, just do."
Let's just sit around
Let's not move
Put down the pen
Look in the distance.
"Let's walk till there
One step at a time
Let's move so that
We commit no crime."
Let's just simply stare
Into the nothingness
And look within
This incredible mind.
"The mind functions
It is all about the activity
The productivity and
The building dignity."
The mind is slower
Purposefully looking
Knowing every word
And yet searching.
"I refuse to sit around
I refuse to stare
I want to be gone
And I want to care."
I won't move a limb
I won't go around
You are dependent
On my muscle ground.
"I will go,
You then sit around
In that very posture
Under the ground."
Don't threaten me so
You will stick around
You want things done
And I am your chance.
"Chance yes but
Not my source
A medium to take me;
my thoughts through."
Thoughts don't matter
Not as powerful as me
For thoughts are within
The exterior is me.
"The exterior you said;
Does it not explain
For within is the self
Which will not refrain."
I will resist
I will till the last bit
Let my energy drain
Till the edge of the cliff.
"I would not jump
In the name of activity.
Action is not cause
Neither blasphemy."

Reading a random thing never quite works
Sometimes You are given things which do.

Completely out of the context in which the text* was probably written.

After very long taking the liberty of using someone else's text to express.

Probably because I maybe can't put it this way.

Choosing to play with I, Me and Myself.

I explore what is it to be at the center and yet out of the circle.

I feel:

I am scared of the world, but try to conquer it anyway.

I am the crazy girl. Too many insecurities. Too many flaws.

I am the crazy girl because I am an expert
         on the importance of loving myself (theoretically of course).

I know:

I need help and that I am the only one who can give myself that virtue.

I am the crazy girl, but I need not a caretaker.

I am the crazy girl who will listen when thoughts drive into a mind hurricane.

I will:

learn to read emotions because I have mastered that skill on myself.

learn to let the world not fall amiss.

learn to live with and without it all.

I am:

not scared of learning.

not scared of it all leaving.

not obliged to be either.

But of all thing I simply AM

*Couldn't acknowledge source as I found the text by chance.

To "the Force"

I keep chasing you away
And yet you keep coming back to me
I have told you we are over
But you keep clinging on.
They say I am fond of you
But I am done really
Was done long ago.
I have not learnt how to ignore.
I would rather not have you around.
You pushed me off the edge yourself.
Some do so by leaving
You did so by staying too long.
Love is too strong a word,
Like still a stronger emotion.
I am not in that circle
Unfortunately observing from within.
I will be out of it too.
And then you will know.
I had let you stay too long
I had found comfort
in the little place you left me.
Now I can't keep curled up
I need to stretch and step.
I maybe need to dance,
And I need to roll.
Jump off my own cliff
Without you giving me a hand.
I will decide which parachute to take
Or if any at all.
It is my decision to make
And you can stop rolling the ball.

Mathematics 2

A 30 cm is a foot
Where I know that 2.54 is an inch.
I know I had to be reaching a full
But still a 30 inch I simply fail.
I ask my brain if a 15 is a foot
Or maybe a 30 inch is still a foot
Mind you it was a ruler I thought
A foot was definitely a 30 in cm
But how much in an inch I fail.
I thought and thought
And there it was
Surely a 15 inch would make a foot
But I have always known it hasn't
I look for the number and then more.
Some tell me its the good old 12
And I know it sure is.
Why can't I meet the 12?
When I was always so true.
Again,
Understanding this struggle
Is in the pace-
a struggle my brain seem to face.